Should be more aptly named "Don't waste-a yer time-o"
HollyWeird at it's best, people. A rambling plot that goes absolutely nowhere with actors that can't.
I really wanted to see this one for Kevin Costner's performance, which turned out to be as ridiculous as it was unbelievable. Costner acts like an ADHD juvenile Wild Bill who can't keep his ass out of jail, or out of trouble. Scott Glenn, a totally unknown to me, plays a recently released con (of course he was totally innocent, but did the time anyway...yeah, right) with a bunch of strangers on his trail who decide to kill him, but naturally he takes them all out before stumbling across Paden sleeping in the desert wearing nothing but his 'reds' as the same bunch robbed him of clothes, guns, horse and pride and leave him to die of heat exposure in the middle of the desert (as opposed to the other type of exposure that gets forced upon us...Kevin Kline wearing nothing but reds). Anyway, these two (Glenn and Kline) team up to go to Silverado for what appears to be a pretty vague reason...to visit Glenn's sister...huh? They stop in on the way in the small town of Turley, where a gallows is being built for....turns out to be Glenn's brother, Jake (Costner) being held by a sheriff with an English accent (John Cleese...can you say WTF, people?) who is there for no apparent reason, and none is given. He likes to put people in jail, apparently, because Paden gets involved in a brawl and winds up sharing a cell with Jake.
Emmett (Glenn) of course, busts him out and along with new ally Danny Glover, the four set out for Silverado...again, for little or no reason other to visit a sister.
I will not bore you with the rest of the plot, as I was bored by watching this ridiculous farce of a 'western'. If you are so inclined, watch it yourself. Naturally, every one of the cast is a natural-born gunslinger with Costner showing off how fast he can twirl a pair of chrome-plated Colts (too shiny for nickel) and out-shoot even Wild Bill's best (Ok, and what does this 'kid' do for a living? Spend his waking hours practicing in the desert?) Amusing to watch him buckle on that brace of Colts with a gun rig so new and fresh and stiff you can still hear it moo. Of course, Paden turns out to be a deadly gunfighter himself, as is Emmett and Glover, too....apparently. The only one who actually appears to be a gunfighter is Brian Dennehy (Paden's arch-rival) who acts as chief lead-collector in the end.
There is also Paden's oddball fascination with a midget saloon-owner woman and Jeff Goldblum's totally bizarre appearance as a fur-coat wearing pimp-dandy gambler, none of which makes a lick of sense. In short, this movie was apparently made as a platform for unknowns and actors who apparently always wanted to be in a western....but shouldn't.
If you're up for some amusement, maybe you and a couple of the boys could get all likker'd up and watch it just to make fun of it. In that respect it might be good for some entertainment. But if you're a serious western fan, this one will leave you with one overbearing, haunting thought...."Now, there's two hours of my life I'll never get back......."
